humour // no. 22 theotherpress.ca Local man creates stirring art installation: ‘Large Truck, Small Car Spot’ > Critics unable to decide if man is genius or just an asshole Rebecca Peterson Humour Editor he art world was shaken to its core last weekend when a public art installation was discovered in the underground parking lot of a local movie theatre. “We were just trying to finda place to park,” said the discoverer of the masterpiece, Michael Angelo. “I mean, we just had a little sedan, it shouldn't have been too hard, right? But then we turned the corner and saw... well, I can’t even describe it. It has to be experienced in person.” The “it” that Angelo referred to in his statement is an enormous Dodge Ram truck parked in a space meant for small vehicles. The area is now roped off and declared protected as a work of public art. “Whoever did this, they’re calling him ‘Big-Car Banksy,” said Angelo. “Or at least I’m calling him ‘Big-Car Banksy: And who knows, he might not even be a guy. He could bea she ora they or something. The air of mystery around the artist really adds some extra flavour to the whole thing, you know?” While many are lauding this asa provocative piece of post-modernism, a blend of performance and industrial deco art, others are skeptical that this display counts as art at all. “Clearly some asshole just parked his big-ass truck in a tiny-ass car spot that’s clearly labelled for tiny-ass cars,” said one witness. “These people exist, okay? I’ve got one back at my apartment complex. There’s nothing artsy about it. It’s just inconsiderate.” Those that agree with this sentiment have begun a petition online to have the truck removed, and the owner fined (or at the very least, heavily scolded). However, SFU Fine Arts professor Iva Hack had a different take on the matter entirely. “In many visual art disciplines, we learn to take the piece of work out of the context of the artists’ intentions,” said Hack in an editorial submitted to Vancouver Artsy Farts Weekly. “Instead, we ask questions about the work itself. Questions such as: Does it elicit an emotional reaction? Is there meaning? Is there an absence of meaning? Viewed through these lenses, regardless of whether or not the artist intended it to be so, this ill-advised parking job has now transformed into real, visceral art. When asked how he felt about this analysis, Angelo seemed appreciative of Hack’s comments. “I guess the best part of all this is that if it was just someone being wildly inconsiderate, now their truck is roped off and inaccessible,” Angelo said. “Whoever it was, they can’t get back to their truck without everyone watching them. It’s the ultimate walk of shame, and | think that’s just beautiful” ” Woman falls 1n love with persistent man after 84th unanswered text > ‘It only took five months for him to turn my ‘no’ into a ‘yes,” says bride-to-be Rebecca Peterson Humour Editor fter ftve months of what some might call “loving attentiveness,” and police might call “relentless stalking,” local woman Irma Gird has finally returned the affections of Jonathan Kreep, even going so far as to accept his wedding proposal and become the man’s fiancée. “It took a while to open my eyes, I guess,” said Gird in a blog post last Thursday. “Nearly half a year, in fact. Good thing he literally never stopped texting me for even a day or two, or I might have missed my chance entirely.” The unlikely pair met at a local pub back in June. “T saw her having fun with her friends, you know, just having a good time, and I knew,’ said Kreep on his own Facebook account. “You can just tell when someone’s meant to be with you, you know? I mean, sure, she didn’t look like she wanted to talk to anyone aside from the people she was with, but I decided to interrupt anyway, to try get her number.” “I tried to give him a fake number,” admitted Gird. “But very luckily he was astute enough to immediately try to call me afterwards, so I had to give him my real one. It totally wasn’t creepy at all, and was in fact totally normal and reasonable human behaviour.” Gird was apparently eager to return to her normal life and forget ever meeting Kreep, but fate (and Kreep) intervened. “I texted her the very next day,’ said Kreep. “I mean, when you want to live the rest of your life with someone, you want to start immediately, right? Wait, I think that’s a line from When Harry Met Sally. Am I allowed to say that in a fake news article?” “He didn’t know anything about me,” said Gird. “All he knew was what my face looked like. But he was convinced we were soulmates. Obviously I was kind of wigged out at first, but then I started to wonder. Like, maybe he knew something I didn't. Still, I didn’t answer his texts at first because I didn’t want to encourage him.” “I’m very hard to discourage,” said Kreep. “I see an unanswered text, I think, ‘Great, maybe I need to try another angle. So I did. Eighty-four times. There’s that quote from Thomas Edison about the light bulb and everything, and how you need to keep trying... I really hold it near and dear to my heart. Especially when it comes to women who won't immediately give me what I want.” “That whole persistence thing was a big plus for me,” said Gird. “I mean, who doesn’t want to feel like they're being constantly pursued by someone Image via Thinkstock / they have no interest in, despite their obvious disinterest? It was so incredibly flattering! After a while, I found I just couldn't say no.” The wedding of Kreep and Gird is set for never, because this did not and will not ever happen. Persistence is creepy. Knock it off.