Life&Style

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By Sharon Miki & Jacey Gibb
Rivals

he results are in: we are all
losers.
It’s been a wacky

eight weeks, full of trash talking,
purging (of bad habits!), and online
cockroach shopping. Douglas’
Biggest Loser competition has come
to a close and, as you probably
suspected from day one, Sharon
beat Jacey to a sugary pulp.

As for the consequential
cockroach consumption, Jacey is
still digesting the terrible news
but will soon be feasting on
something with a few more legs.

On the lighter side

2.

school newspaper for eight
consecutive weeks.

Don’t then proceed to tell
people that you’re writing
about your weight loss in
the school newspaper for
eight consecutive weeks

Cockroaches are really
gross and not yummy.

Melodramatic folk-rock
isn’t the best soundtrack
to run to. It is, however, a
great accompaniment for
munching on Reese’s Puffs
cereal.

“We racked our brains to try and think of more lessons, but got so
distracted by looking at our new and improved selves at various angles
in the mirror that we finally gave up.’

Unfortunately, we never would
have thought that there could be so
many shipping issues when insects
are involved, so his special meal

of cockroach a la carte likely won’t
occur until sometime in April. To
commemorate our freedom from
the shackles of healthy living, we
thought we’d take a moment to
share the lessons we took away
from this ordeal.

1. Don’t agree to write about
your weight loss in the

SUBMIT A
250 WORD PROSE

PIECE OR POEM
INSPIRED BY THE
FOLLOW ING

Eating less and exercising
more makes you smaller.

Cockroaches are a lot
harder to buy than you’d
think.

Even with a tenth of her
body mass gone, there’s
more of Sharon to love than
ever before (mostly because
she spends less time yelling at
people to bring her cake now).

WAISTS (a taste of sweet victory)

8. Relaxing yoga and napping
aren't the best cardio.

9. Angry rivalry and constant
mental undermining of
your comrades isn’t really
good for maintaining solid
friendships.

10. We’ve learned nothing of
real importance.

We racked our brains to try and
think of more lessons, but got so
distracted by looking at our new
and improved selves at various
angles in the mirror that we finally
gave up.

We would, however, like to
take a moment to thank the team
at Douglife for organizing this
poundage extravaganza. College
life can be incredibly stressful
and it’s so easy to get swept up in
the ebb and flow of lectures and
exams. Sometimes we all need
to be reminded of what's really
important: looking as sexy as
possible at pub nights. And, you
know, health or whatever.

A note from Jacey: While our
interactions usually consist of
nothing more than banter and fierce
competitiveness, I can’t think of
anyone I'd rather lose to. Good
work Sharon! But enough of these
sappy Hallmark emotions. My first

 

official act of rivalry, post-Biggest
Loser, will be to name the cockroach
Sharon. Keep fit, and have fun!

A note from Sharon: In all
seriousness, I can’t think of anyone
I'd rather beat. Thanks for the
challenge, Jacey! I might now be too
fit to quit—but I'll never stop trying
to be superior to you in every way.

 

 

WORD AND You HH
COULD VWIINIE