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It's a bug's life

Why we shouldnt hurt
a fly

By Natalie Serafini,
Opinions Editor

o you remember in

Charlotte’s Web, at the
beginning, when Fern’s
father is about to kill Wilbur
the pig? Fern’s sitting at
breakfast, and when she
hears that her father is
going to kill a runt pig, she
runs out shrieking, yell-
ing, and crying at him to
leave the pig alone. I must
confess to being a bit of a
Fern sometimes. Not that I
shriek and yell and cry all
over the place for people
to drop their bacon, but I
do feel bad at the thought
of creatures being hurt.

Which brings me

to my latest cause:

leaving bugs alone.

Trust me, I’m not a
fan of insects. I don’t like
mosquitos, creepy crawly
spiders give me the heeby-
jeebies, and I’m terrified of
bugs crawling into my ears.
Still, why should my con-
tentment (and temporary
contentment, at that—I’ll
find something else to com-
plain about soon enough)
outweigh a bug’s life?

I know we generally
don’t value insect, or indeed
animal, life as much as
we do human life. In the
case of insects, this may be
because people believe bugs
don’t feel pain. This is a
fine enough argument, but
even if scientists were 99.9
per cent certain that insects
don’t feel pain, and their
hypotheses were proven,

I would still consider that
0.1 per cent of uncertainty
enough for me to not

Selling you on crazy

The nonsensical
nature of advertising

By Eric Wilkins,
Staff Writer

“Chairs. Chairs are made
so that people can sit
down and take a break.
Anyone can sit on a chair,
and if the chair is large
enough, they can sit
down together. And tell
jokes, or make up stories,
or just listen. Chairs
are for people, and that
is why chairs are like
Facebook.” Believe it or
not, this isn’t an excerpt
from the ramblings of
some random drunk. It’s
not even a quote from
a poorly-written high
school essay, attempting
to be deep and unique.
Absurd as it is, this was
taken from Facebook’s
first ever commercial.
My reaction to watch-

ing the video—once
the raucous laughter
had subsided—quickly
turned to incredulous-
ness. Somebody actually
spent time writing out
this ad. Somebody got
paid to write it. And then,
most amusing and befud-
dling of all, a major com-
pany decided to release
this ad to the public,
apparently quite proud,
or at least confident in it.
Setting a series
of clips to music and
having a woman talk
in a thoughtful fashion
doesn’t hide the fact
that the words being
spoken aren’t saying
anything. “Chairs are like
Facebook;” really? There
aren't any parallels being
drawn here. It’s more
like taking a point and
then extending two lines
from it in completely
opposite directions.
But my real worry

want to inflict unneces-
sary pain on a creature.
But let’s say there’s sci-
entific evidence that insects
don’t feel pain; that’s still
a theory. Although I’m not
a science major, from what
I understand nothing in
science is considered “fact.”
If a hypothesis has been
proven consistently, it’s
considered a theory. That’s
why it’s titled “Darwin’s
Theory of Evolution,”
and not “Darwin’s Fact
of Evolution.” So let’s say
the concept that insects
don’t feel pain is at best
a theory; then it’s still
uncertain. Let’s say insects,
who shy away from being
swatted and killed, are
simply reacting through
instinct and not because
they are trying to avoid
pain and death. That still
leaves doubt in my mind.
Besides which, there’s

here isn’t so much that
such subpar drivel can
masquerade as excep-
tional work; it’s that
people might actually
see it as good. Someone
out there thought that
comical excuse for a
script was worthy of
pouring untold amounts
of money into. And
seeing as someone was
willing to put their job
on the line for it, they’d
better have been pretty
sure that a good portion
of the public would find
it acceptable. With that
in mind, there’s a very
good chance that a part
of the population actu-
ally watched that video
and truly enjoyed it. In
our world of constant
increasing ridiculousness,
we might cease to criti-
cize this kind of thing.

Recently, a new
German alcoholic bever-
age company called

Opinions

been evidence that insects
do feel pain. I won’t throw
a bunch of statistics and
science-y words like
“enkephalins” your way,
but Jeffrey A. Lockwood,
an entomologist, stated
that “Existing evidence
indicates that insects qualify
as sentient and their lives
ought to be included in
moral deliberations.”
Michael L. Draney argued
that “our ethical obliga-
tions to insect pests lie in
acknowledging the right of
these species to continued,
if controlled, existence. At
this level, they must receive
moral consideration in
any actions taken.” And
R.L. Rabb stated that “We
must learn to live with our
insect competitors rather
than eliminate them.”
Insects don’t live for
a very long time, so I’m
more inclined to let them

G-Spirits launched their
brand on a rather...inter-
esting premise. Directly
from their website
(NSFW, by the way), “To
create the perfect taste
we let every single drop
of our spirits run over
the breasts of a special
woman, one whose
characteristics we saw
reflected in the liquor.”
Apparently the products
sell well with math clubs.
But I digress. Unlike

the Facebook ad, which
is simply hysterically
moronic, this ad fails

in its sanitary consider-
ations, if itis true. I don’t
care how well someone
bathes themselves, the
human body isn’t the
cleanest platform over
which to pour any sort
of liquid that is going to
be consumed. The site
states that they have a
“hygienic filling process,”
“medical personnel is

fly, crawl, and creep around
to their cold-blooded
heart's content until they
drop dead. If a fruit fly
lives for a month, why
not just leave it alone?

It has a niche to fill and
itll be dead soon enough
any ways without your
stomping, swatting, and
slapping it like a maniac.

I know insects can be
pests, and annoying as hell
pests at that. Even worse,
they can carry disease
or completely devastate
farms, animals, wildlife,
and human populations.
Defending ourselves
against insects in those
cases might be perfectly
acceptable, but there are
plenty of insects that don’t
pose a threat. Whip out a
cup and a piece of paper,
and practice some catch-
and-release techniques.

present to verify every-
thing is in order,” and
that they “ensure not to
break any of the food
or consumer protection
laws,” but I just don’t see
how. In any case, people
are eating (and drinking)
this advertising right up.
But maybe I’ve got
it all wrong. Maybe
Facebook released that
ad with the belief that
people would find it
funny. Maybe no one
actually watched it
with all the feeling of
an artsy film. Perhaps
that German company
is just an elaborate joke.
Or maybe it truly exists,
and they really do ensure
that each drop of alcohol
undergoes a titillating
experience before being
bottled in a completely
sanitary fashion. In
the end though, it’s all
Just as Dairy Queen
says, “Ridiculous.”

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