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New species of jellyfish discovered in the Lower Mainland, being used in sushi

Cnidari-licious

By Joel MacKenzie,
Senior Gastrological
Ichthyology Correspondent

newly discovered species of
Ase perhaps genetically
ngineered by a partnership
of fast food and grocery companies,
is being served in a local sushi
restaurant.

A team of biology students
from Douglas College came across
the previously unidentified species
when collecting algae in English
Bay early in January. Several
students pointed the animals out to
their professor Dr. James Hadden,
who promptly pulled it out.

“I’ve had my fair share of bad
luck with jumping in the ocean with
jellyfish in the past,” said Hadden,
through a severely swollen face.
“But this leap finally proved worth
it.”

The specimen was taken

From Suburbia

 

ALENTINES,

SAY EVERYTHING

YOU'VE BEEN CONDITIONED TO SUBDUE
|

ED

tae Poa ae oe ele anes

to the Douglas College biology
department's jellyfish analysis
room, created and solely used

by Hadden, to be examined. The
creature was almost entirely hollow,
save for a fist-sized white clump of
apparent brain tissue. Its body was
mostly transparent, except for three
red, circular markings atop what
appeared to be a yellow Subway
restaurant logo on one side.

Dozens of other specimens
have since been collected by
Hadden and his students in both
fresh and salt water bodies around
the Lower Mainland. Most are
around 18 inches long and have
two small tails (assumedly used for
navigation) on their back ends; their
colours range from clear to blue to
white. Other unique markings have
been discovered on their bodies,
all pertaining to major fast food
and supermarket companies. Many
look-alike specimens initially fooled

the research team, being similar
in appearance and featuring neat
English phrases such as “Thank
you” or “Please recycle”; though
these were quickly determined to
be plastic bags.

When the companies whose
names appeared on the animals
were contacted about the markings,
they did not deny that they had
genetically engineered the animals
in an extreme viral advertising
experiment. However, they did not
affirm, either; they each instead
quickly side-stepped the question
with unrelated comments about
their company’s attitudes towards
pollution. Could the company’s
similar responses indicate that they
are together involved in creating
the species?

Lee Gifu, chef at Coquitlam
Sunshine Sushi, doesn’t mind if
they are: either way, he’s getting
delicious results. He’s been serving

 

 

JoelMacKenzie Continued on pg.25

=

local jellyfish in his restaurant for
over five years, and by chance
began catching and serving this
species several months ago. He
praises its salty taste, chewy texture
and probable disease-fighting
properties. “Some species [of
jellyfish] never die,” he explains,
suggesting that eating them may
give us similar powers. “Just don’t
fry them,” he says, warning of “the
bad kinds of fats.”

The Chewy Snoopy Rolls he
serves them in are the third best
selling dish in his restaurant, after
Black Chewy Tempura and Clear
Chewy Salad.

 

 

Tamme seme ie ChAT E Cece M Meare
you could possibly attain or imagine

a

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