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(¥Y Panicked student forgets homework; produces a
stirring, award-nominated, one-man improv show

(¥ Obligatory complaint article about the hill

 

And more!

Seasoning the means of production

> My favorite things about fall

Mercedes Deutscher
News Editor

 

inished is the summer,
which means that my

favourite season has returned.

Is there anything really to
hate about fall? Nothing feels
better than the crisp autumn air,
the delicious pumpkin treats,
and watching the fall of the
bourgeoisie. Yes, it indeed Marx
a very special time of year.

While the heat withered
me and kept me exhausted, the
declining temperatures help
me feel woke and refreshed.

Just the other day, I
rummaged through my closet
and dug out my boots, which
were made lovingly by the
proletariat. Summer clothing
makes me sweat, but my cozy
jacket, adorned with union
patches, will keep me feeling
warm while the one per cent
take their turn at sweating. Alas,
there is no better time than
fall for a rally, for the masses
are once again focused on how
the wealthy benefit most off of
education, and how the strong
continue to crush the weak.

In September and October,
I like to indulge in pumpkin
spice lattes, as | enjoy the taste
of a sustainable, unlimited
resource—but only natural,
non-corporate lattes. Not those
pumpkin spice lattes that seek to

    

fulfil insatiable demand, while
operating on limited resources,
in order to accumulate capital.
There are so many activities
to do in the fall, such as going
on hay rides and going through
pumpkin patches. We can

Disappearing Donald

> Trump missing in action

Adam Tatelman
Arts Editor

 

i: the wake of his deafening
approach to public discourse
on every subject from

immigration to national security,

controversial Republican
candidate Donald Trump seems
to have vanished entirely.

Donald’s suit, tie, and
blonde comb-over were
discovered lying on the floor
of his Trump Tower penthouse
by his personal security staff,
who initially assumed he
was taking a shower. Upon
pinging his subcutaneous
locator implant, they were
able to deduce that he was in
fact nowhere on the planet.

To solve this mystery,
psychic mediums consulted
the ghost of Lewis Carrol,
author of such surreal works
as Jabberwocky and Alice in
Wonderland, in the hopes
that he might shed some
light on this nonsense.

“It’s not a question of
logic,” Carrol’s erudite shade
explained, puffing on an
ectoplasmic tobacco pipe, “but
popularity. You say there’s
been a sharp decline in Donnie
Boy’s media coverage, so if he

Image via thinkstock

celebrate Thanksgiving, a
holiday that commemorates
the rise of colonial privilege
that destroyed the socialist
ways of the Aboriginal peoples,
in order to make way for the
imprisoning free market and

 

EE ———

is no longer corporeal, the only

explanation can be that people

have stopped believing in him.”
This raises the question

of whether or not Trump

ever actually existed, or if he

was instead the fantastical

result of a collective psychic
delusion, much like Santa Claus,
the Easter Bunny, balanced
game design, and liberal
democratic government.

Could it be that, if enough
media outlets were to report on

a broken American Dream.

Fall also represents a time
of self-improvement. Whilst the
children go back to school with
an organized mindset, keeping
their studies carefully planned
out in their agendas, so will the
agendas of the oligarchy be filled
with their greed and disgust. A
renewed school year also allows
one to start anew with a fresh
mindset, such as the realization
that reasoning and morality will
not appeal to our oppressors,
and that only violence will.

Yet perhaps my favourite
thing about fall is the colours.
My eyes are mesmerized by the
falling leaves, in shades of red,
yellow, and brown that match
the condition we left the Tsar in
in the midst of our revolution.
The leaves fall as easily as he
did. We will be free to live
in an anti-capitalist society
and spread the communist
manifesto to the citizens.

I must enjoy this season
while it lasts, as winter
approaches. Soon, I will
have to prepare my coat to
go into the cold—be it the
temperature... or the war.

s 5

 

'

Donald Trump again, he might
return? It is impossible to say for
certain, but wizardry expert J.K.
Rowling has suggested referring
to him as “You-Know-Who” for
the time being, just in case.