the other press

the douglas college student newspaper since 1976

 

 

Issue 18, Vol 33, March 01

 

 

A TIMELINE OF HISTORY
TOLD FROM THE
PERSPECTIVE OF CAKES

JJ McCullough, OP Political Analyst

Circa 400 BC
The Torah is written, and makes
numerous references to cakes. Leviticus
states that when making an offering of
grains to God you must only submit
“cakes made without yeast and mixed
with oil, or wafers made without yeast
and spread with oil” (Leviticus 2:4).
Numerous delicious cakes would also
end up making an appearance in the
Bible. In the Old Testament, Chronicles

 

 

 

16 makes reference to King David
feeding the Israelis with “a cake of dates
and a cake of raisins,’ while Samuel 25
speaks of Abigail making an offering

of “a hundred cakes of raisins and two
hundred cakes of pressed figs” to David.
A very cake-conscious man, that David.

During an epic battle against the heathen
Danes, King Alfred, first ruler of the

Anglo-Saxons, finds his armies badly
devastated and is forced to flee in exile.
Tired and hungry, he retreats to the
moors of Somerset where the kindly wife
of a local woodcutter welcomes him into
her humble shack, unaware of his royal
status. “I don’t have much to eat, only
these humble cakes” she says to him,
“but if you watch the oven while I do my
chores we can eat them together when I
get back.”

But Alfred wasn’t interested in
watching the stupid cakes, so he just
daydreamed about kingly business. When
the woman returned her cakes were
burned, and she raved in anger. But then
Alfred revealed his true identity, and
the woman fell to her knees begging
for forgiveness. “It’s okay,” said Alfred,
showing how humble and modest he was,

Salute to Cakes!

 

“you're right, it was my fault.”

This story may not have happened
this way, but it helps make King Alfred
seem more inspirational to contemporary
British school-children, and is thus widely
re-told to this day.

1789

Marie Antoinette, the Queen of France,
did not understand why the peasants

had taken to the streets with torches and
pitch-forks. “What troubles them so,” she
asked one of her servants.

“Your Majesty, the people are starving,
they have no bread” he replied.

“No bread!?” said the Queen,
incredulous at the thought that any of
her subjects could be so careless. “Well
then, let them eat cake!” What a glaringly

Continued on Pg 10