fan exclaims Janis McMath Assistant Editor 10 Fan rejoices after hearing that their favourite musician has suffered terrible trauma > ‘Think of all the amazing sad vibe songs they'll make!’ L° man and sadcore music enthusiast, Fhan Boi, did an interview with the Other Press on the headline-making tragedies that singer Lavender Del Rosemary has recently experienced. The singer has experienced a divorce, the death of her parents and her dog, a car accident, and a home fire. In atime of great suffering and pain for the singer, it seems that some of her diehard fans feel differently about these changes in Rosemary’s life. “Think of all the inspiration she'll have for her new upcoming album, Mostly Bad Poetry. The a endless pit of despair is where inspiration hides,” said Fhan with no capacity for empathy. Why does Fhan have such an interest in the genre? On this he says, “T personally enjoy sadcore music so much because | feel that the best way to deal with my sadness is to exasperate it until it stretches to its breaking point. Sadcore music helps me do that, and the more genuine the trauma of the musician the easier it is for me to spiral downward.” For those who are unaware, Lavender Del Rosemary is an artist that is best known for her last 2014 album, Definitely Introspective and Hard to Interpret. The album's hit, “Senseless Metaphors,” is what brought Rosemary her fame. In an interview with sadcore magazine, Cry All About It, Rosemary said that her album Definitely Introspective and Hard to Interpret is very special to her. “The album is sort of just my unique perspective on life. Other people definitely aren't doing what I’m doing, but I guess I’m just an individual in that way.” Fans everywhere aside from Fhan have been sending Lavender Del Rosemary support and love on social media. Hopefully Rosemary can recover soon and feel better so we can all feel worse while listening to her music. Have an idea for a story? M humour@theotherpress.ca ¢ Girlfriend bitching about pumpkin patch * Three ways to die in a haunted corn maze ¢ Douglas College new Fraser River campus ..and more Girlfriend really bitching about pumpkin patch » Babe, I get it—I know it’s October Illustration by Athena Little Isabelle Orr Contributor lhousands of twenty-something young men stood behind Warren Hopkins at a press conference last Sunday. “We're sick, tired, and completely fed up,” Hopkins said, while the men behind him cheered with approval. Their cause? “All of our girlfriends won't shut up about going to a pumpkin patch,” Hopkins said, slamming his fist on the podium for emphasis. “It’s like, babe, I get it. 1 know it’s October.” Many twenty-something women, like Hopkin’s girlfriend Clarissa Minuette, feel the urge to visit the closest pumpkin patch as soon as the weather drops below ten degrees Celsius. “I don’t get it,’ Hopkins said. “She usually doesn't even like to go outside. What's so special about a pumpkin?” Other Press reporters spoke to sociologist Marie Donnelly to get to the root—seasonal root vegetable, that is—of the matter. “As we all know, October brings autumn, colder weather, and Halloween,” Donnelly explained. “But more importantly, October brings great photo opportunities and bulky sweaters and scarves that conceal the fact that you’ve just eaten a box of Stovetop Stuffing by yourself.” Boyfriends were campaigning for what they called their “relationship rights.” “T shouldn't have to take four whole hours out of my Sunday just to drive all the way out to Richmond, stand in the dirt for two hours, and take a hundred pictures of Katie wearing boots and a hat,” boyfriend Peter Campbell said to the press. “She’s going to want me to carve the pumpkin afterwards, too. I’m going to have to scoop all the guts out! They’re gross!"“Tt’s barely October,” boyfriend Michael Baker complained. “The pumpkin will rot before Halloween. It’s just not practical.” “We're standing up to our girlfriends by standing up for ourselves,” Hopkins announced to the press. “We're putting our foot down. No more pumpkin patch photos this year, no more pumpkin patch photos any year. We're sick and tired of gourds.” Across town, the girlfriends of the protesters were holding a candlelight vigil. “Each candle represents a football, basketball, or baseball game we've had to watch and pretend to be interested in,” Clarissa Minuette, Hopkins’ girlfriend, explained. “I’ve been with Warren for three years. That’s three March Madnesses. I think he can take six nicely lit, slightly retouched photos of me holding a fucking white pumpkin.”