www.theotherpress.ca

HUMOUR.

 

  

lobbyists complain about
having to be human for
the sake of comfort

fen
Turnbull

Hedgehog Tropped
ina Hurmon’s Body

A small but vocal crowd is
owling—or making any
noise they can—for change. The
Trans-species Raging Against
Discrimination Group (TRADG)
is protesting against “human
only” washrooms.

“We want to have
washrooms too. We’re really
animals trapped inside human
bodies. Doesn’t the Canadian
government see how inhumane
this is for making us be what we

 

 

despise?” says TRADG leader
David Wallens, who identifies as
a porpoise. Wallens also made

it clear that if the Canadian
government doesn’t make
washrooms for all species, he
will pollute the lakes with his
own waste.

and sleep.”

When the Other Press
remarked that humans built the
very iPhone he was tweeting
on, Bishadan made a comment
unsuitable for print.

Other members of TRADG
are using more provocative

“We can’t help it,” says
McJordian. “We were born to
be animals. I mean, I know that
humans are animals too, but
they’ve lost their primate-like
nature. We haven't lost our
animalistic nature. That’s why
1 like sitting on tree branches

‘They might make some of us extinct. They might make us have human names,
but they should have washrooms tor every single being on this Earth. Besides,
| really do not want to have another obscenity charge on my criminal record.”

“We're suffering. We're
really, really suffering,” says
John Bishadan, who identifies as
an Arctic hare. “We animals just
want to go back to a time when
there was no war, no hatred, and
no sorrow, and we could just eat

ways to get their message
across. Ami McJordian, who
identifies as a cardinal, sits in

a tree wearing nothing but red
feathers and holding a sign that
says “Don’t make me shit on
you.”

more than anything else in the
world.”

The Other Press also asked
why many who identify as
trans-species keep their human
names.

“Because the damn fascists

bto illust

  

OM Oey

Trans-species individuals face discrimination over ‘human only washrooms

running this sinking ship of
debauchery don’t recognize my
true name,” Wallens replied
after making a series of noises
assumed to be porpoise sounds.
“Besides, giving animals names
is just another way for humans
to control the so-called ‘inferior
species.’ They might make some
of us extinct. They might make
us have human names, but they
should have washrooms for
every single being on this Earth.
Besides, I really do not want to
have another obscenity charge
on my criminal record.”

The Other Press tried to
leave the group shortly after
that, but our reporter was
mauled by a member of TRADG
wearing a cheap lion costume.
The person in the lion costume
is currently being charged with
assault.

 

‘Golden Skies’ sure to be a hit this autumn

Series premiere will make
you laugh, cry, and applaud

~ i ae a

S-)) Shaft Writer

  
  
  

 

1 WddI1l tb Sure Wid LO IIldKe OT
Golden Skies before tuning into
the pilot. Sci-fi and crime shows
are everywhere on the networks,
but would combining the two
really be entertaining? I was
pleasantly surprised by this
new Canadian show that, while
exploring themes commonly
found on TV today, portrays
them in a slightly different way.
It’s a cross between NCIS and
Sanctuary, with some Homeland
thrown in for good measure.
Starring Joshua Jackson and
Gilbert Gottfried, Golden Skies
takes place in the year 2020.
After Earth is suddenly shut

down into shadows—literally
and figuratively—strange
creatures begin to terrorize the
population in the permanent
ght. Two government agents
ive set up office in New York
combat the issues: Jackson
ays Bill Rigby, your average
A investigator who has been
given more than he can handle
and Gottfried plays Lance
Hughes, a former marine turned
private investigator who takes a
more vigilante approach to the
evil creatures. It’s a barrel full
of laughs as the two struggle to
work together in the office and
on the streets while shooting at
demonic shark-things!
It’s sort of like an American
Torchwood, except with a lot
less sex (although the tension
between Agents Rigby and
Hughes is certainly not subtle!).
The scene where Bill walks in
on Lance taking a shower may
prove uncomfortable for the

viewer—Gottfried’s nipples had

a close-up—but underneath is
a remarkable emotional bond
between the two leads. It’s only
been one episode, but Golden
Skies clearly shows we can look
forward to a season of crime,
aliens, nudity, politics, and
drama, all in one show.

Golden Skies could very
well take over for #1 sci-fi show
by the end of the year. Agents
of SHIELD had better watch
its back, as Agent Hughes is
a much more entertaining
character than Agent Coulson.

Fans of science fiction,
crime, drama, and male eye
candy should definitely give
Golden Skies a watch. It’s sure to
spawn at least six seasons and a
movie, and probably a spin-off.
Golden Skies will likely become
my new favourite show now
that Breaking Bad and Dexter
have ended.

ra
oy
ee
-
=

Po