¢ Get me on ‘Shark Tank’

Have an idea for a story?
M humour@theotherpress.ca

¢ Who will win the contest to stand
for our suffering?

a LY C) ..and that's everything!

Inventions that would make life better

>» Get me on ‘Shark Tank’

 

 

Sonam Kaloti card in your bag at a busy SkyTrain station Full future mode: no more mode: we all travel around in person-sized
Arts Editor instead of the raging anxiety and fumbling _ intersections. There will be loops so no long air suction tubes or flying cars and
for your wallet as you get pushed closerand _ one stops driving. Faster, efficient, less gas rockets. For legal reasons, no, I did not
Ls alone has brought on a world closer to the gate... just imagine. TransLink wasted idling, better for the environment, invent that one, but I'll be the first to ask:
of new experiences. Some would step it up, please. what more is there to say? Extra full future can we do it already?

say it gives people a life—if
you consider a personality
consisting of washing dishes
and vacuuming a life. Truly,
though, it is great... except for
the very few blood-curdling
drawbacks.

Strainers, for one, are the
devil. Why do so many recipes
use these things? I'll take the
water with my spaghetti, thank
you.

When you're holding a
heavy pot of food and boiling
fluid, and you're expected
to slowly tip it into a weak
mesh with a tiny handle grip,
something is bound to fall. It’s
like playing “the floor is lava,”
but you are an adult and you
actually get burned. There are
not enough hands for this.

Here's three suggestions,
world:

1. A strainer that holds
itself up.

2. Pasta water vacuum.

3. Extra hand.

If you think I’m done here,
you are gravely mistaken. Not
only do these awful cooking
tools fail to understand human
anatomy, how the heck do you
clean them? Just holds each
square centimetre under the
faucet for a few seconds until
suddenly it’s been 10 minutes
and... this is unacceptable.

Sure, you could “just angle
the water” or “put it in a pot of
water” instead, but why do that
when you could just not own a
strainer and purchase one of the
three earlier inventions instead?
Or all three and get 20 percent
off (and get an extra extra hand
thrown in!)

Alright, enough with the
mundane everyday items. On to
the future, people.

We've all used Compass
Cards (many of us, everyday),
and most of us have opened our
eyes to the saving grace that is
the Apple Wallet. Why is there
no Compass Card phone link?
At the least, why is there no
Compass app? Oh, to simply
tap your phone and keep your

c¢

Illustration by Sonam Kaloti

I'll take the water with my spaghetti, thank you.