issue 7 // volume 43 humour // no. 23

Tsawwassen Mills gives away hundreds of
thousands in gift cards on Instagram

> Social media campaign was a hit and entirely real

Chandler Walter
Assistant Editor

 

nstagram was flooded last

week, as social media savvy
users were reposting and
hashtagging Tsawwassen Mills
store Instagram accounts in the
hopes that they would receive
free gift cards.

Many of the accounts
featured one of the stores in the
new mall, and claimed that for
the first few hundred followers
free gift cards of a certain value
would be given out.

The card values ranged

from $75-300, and the follower
limit for winners reached as
high as 5,000 in some cases.

“My boyfriend didn’t
believe it was real,” said gift
card winner Janie Waytlie, “but
I figured hey, it doesn’t hurt to
try, right?”

Waytlie decided to throw
caution to the wind, and
reposted screenshotted images
of five different Tsawwassen
Mills store accounts in the
hopes that she would cash in.

“IT ended up with roughly
$1,100 in gift cards,” Waytlie
said. “My boyfriend was so
shocked! He couldn’t believe it

when they started showing up
at our door. Flown in by drones,
of all things. One of the stores
doesn’t even have a location in
that mall, apparently, but they
still managed to get the money
to my address.”

Waytlie was only one of
thousands of Instagram users
that hit the jackpot with the
new mall’s Instagram campaign.
Many users reposted numerous
accounts in the hopes of
winning free stuff, and none of
them were disappointed.

“I actually reposted three
different H&M accounts, hoping
that at least one of them was

real,” said clothing enthusiast
Jessica Rowler. “I was amazed
to find out that all three were
completely, 100 per cent real!
I now have $600 to spend at
H&M!”

Rowler said that a lot of
her friends were angry at her
for clogging up their feeds with
what they considered to be
absolute BS, but that they are
now eating their words. “I don’t
get what they don’t understand
about why stores would want
to give away hundreds of
thousands of dollars just to get
some social media attention, it’s
obviously foolproof.”

Company bravely refuses to hire anyone other
than white men to combat tokenism

> ‘It’s because we respect women and minorities, said CEO

Rebecca Peterson
Humour Editor

 

local insurance company,

Wilde Claims Co., came
forward in a press release over
the weekend after allegations
of discrimination against
minorities when hiring.

“It’s actually the opposite
of discrimination,” explained
CEO Chadwick Wilde in his
statement to the press. “See, like,
we're not looking at superficial
things like race or gender when
making these decisions. That’s
actually more bigoted, you know?
We're not hiring to fill a quota;
we're hiring whoever fits the job.
Everyone here is super qualified”

Wilde has a long history
of speaking out on behalf of
women, people of colour, and
the LGBTQ+ community. His
essays on such matters have been

  

published in many magazines
owned by white men. His most

popular one to date is titled, “No,

You're Sexist: Why Claiming
Misogyny Exists Sets Women

 

 

/ DID YOUR FRIEND KAREN
FINALLY FIND A JOB SO SHE CAN
PAY OFF HER HOSPITAL BILLS?

By: L. A. Bonté

 

 

Back by Decades,” followed

closely by the critically-acclaimed

think piece “The Dictionary
Definition of Racism Is...”
“Td say I’m more of an

 
 

Image via Thinkstock

egalitarian or a humanist than a
feminist,” said Wilde in a phone
interview. “I definitely think we
should respect women, and the
gays, and—um, what’s the PC
way to say—people of colour,
right? Anyway, I think that
respect means we shouldn't give
people any special treatment,
‘cause that’s worse. That’s way
worse than having an office full
of white guys. No one in my office
thinks they’re just here to make
us look good, you know? And
if I hired someone who wasn't
a white dude, they might think
that they’re just here for show. It’s
the brave choice, I think, and a
step in the right direction. | think
more people should adopt this
policy in their workplaces as well.”
When asked if he thought
there were qualified women,
people of colour, and members
of the LGBTQ+ community for

 

   
   
     

SHE'S STILL STRUGGLING,
BUT SHE JUST STARTED
WORKING PART TIME AS A

HAIR COLOURIST!

Jeff Henderson, mall
manager and mastermind
behind the campaign, said that
it was a foolproof plan to both
get the Tsawwassen Mills name
out into social media, and to
bring people into the new stores.
“T figured that advertising is
pretty expensive, right? So why
not just get our shoppers to do
that footwork for us!”

Henderson lost his job
shortly after interviewing with
the Other Press, as every store
in the mall was stripped of
merchandise, with not a single
dollar being spent by customers.

these positions, Wilde laughed.
“Well, obviously, are you trying to
make me look bad or something?
Sure they exist, but there’s so
many white guys here, they
probably wouldn't be comfortable
in this work environment. Like
I said, it comes down to doing
the white thing—sorry, I meant
right thing. I’m not hiring any
token people. It’s just not right.”

Many of his employees, with
job security, a six-figure salary,
and health benefits, seem to
agree with Wilde’s approach.
However, one man who prefers
to remain anonymous pulled
the Other Press reporter aside
at the end of the interviews.

“I’m actually half-Korean,”
the man admitted. “I don’t
think he can tell. Please don’t
tell him, he'll think he’s doing
me a favour by firing me so
I’m not his “Token Asian.”

 

     

SHE DYES A LITTLE
EVERYDAY

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