issue 02 // volume 41

Move over, mason Jars

» Décor experts agree that old tin cans offer the latest in rustic drinkware charm

f Sharon Miki

4. Humour Editor
4 humour
@theotherpress.ca

 

interest is all abuzz, and

with good reason: there
is officially a new painfully
folksy way to serve your guests
schmaltzy artisan mocktails
at your next dinner party or
barnyard-themed wedding
reception—repurposed old tin
tuna cans.

“Using old tin tuna cans as
a vessel to serve refreshments

: to guests takes mock-artisty

: to the next level,” explains

: décor expert June McKinnon.

: “In the past few years we've

: seen people using mason jars

: purchased from Pier 1 Imports

: asa means of demonstrating

: their ‘realness’ and rustic

: charm, but there’s always going
: to be someone who is brave

: enough to push things to a new
: extreme. That person is me, and :
: I’m pushing for old cans.”

Followers of the tin

: can movement stress the
: importance of authenticity in

: being factitious with décor: “I

: like to take my tuna cans and

: really jagged-up the edges for

: that genuine charm. A few bits
: of leftover tuna caught in the

: edges? Even better—details are
: key,” said Eric Chan, a follower

: of design trends.

“It’s not just tuna cans

though,” said McKinnon. “I’m
: also advocating that those

looking for a more delicate,

: petite silhouette, try an

: alternative can like those you'd

: find Fancy Feast cat food in.

: Perfect for serving an appletini!”

humour // 21

 

 

Total square attends first college party

» A first-hand invigorating experience

Cazzy Lewchuk
Staff Writer

 

didn’t think college would
be the place where people

would party and be reckless. It’s my first thought was that I

: should’ve left the lab coat

: at home. We arrived about

: an hour after the invitation

: said, and people were already

: intoxicated. Looking back, I

: suppose it was no surprise that
: alcoholic beverages would be

: consumed to end the week, but
: I couldn't believe people were

: actually allowing themselves to

an institute for learning; how
could anyone even take enough
time away from studying to
attend a party? Nevertheless,

I quite unexpectedly finished
my lab report early and had

a Friday night free. My lab
partner, Steven, invited me

to a get-together stemming
from some other chums in our

: beginners chemistry course,

: and J anticipated a great chance
: to catch up with others on

: the course material between

: sipping a cold soda. My only

: worry was how many books I

: should bring.

Arriving at the party,

: be inebriated. Steven handed
: mea beer, but I laughed loudly
: and searched in the kitchen for
: something a little less strong.

There was beer, more beer,

: vodka, whiskey... didn’t anyone

: value drinking for social reasons
: instead of addictive ones?

: Finally I found some cans of

: “Palm Bay Spritz.” I had never

: tasted this particular brand of

: pop, but one sip and it was even
: sweeter than Sprite. Satisfied I

: had found a suitable beverage

: to drink all night, I decided

: to mingle with my fellow

: Classmates.

One boy, who had many

: cans duct-taped together

: for some reason, asked me

: what I should turn down for

: in broken English. I replied

: “For the pursuit of education,

: independence, liberty, and to

: calm oneself.” He called me

: an expletive and handed me

: another Palm Bay, which I

: happily accepted, having drank
: the first a little too quickly. The :
: second seemed even better than :
: the first.

My last memory of the

: party is an hour or so later after
: my fifth of those delightful

: Palm Bays. I don’t know if it

: was the atmosphere or the

: second-hand carcinogenic

: tetrahydrocannabinol smoke

: I was exposed to, but I was

: feeling quite light-headed and
: happy. Having stripped off

: my lab coat, vest, shirt, and

: trousers, I was just getting

: ready to lead a conga line to

: the Macarena when someone
: handed mea Red Bull with an
: empty shot glass floating in it.

I awoke the next morning
in a daze somewhere in the

: forest.

Despite my citation for

: sleeping ina protected green

: area, I consider the party to

: have been a rousing success. |

: can't wait for Steven’s birthday
: party next weekend. Maybe I'll
: even try alcohol this time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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“Mirror, mirror on the wall—who’s the loneliest one of all?”

By Nelu Oncel