Shis issue:

(YW New Westminster station flashmob proposal cancelled

ICES) ae (le |e elm DLol le Fels

(Y Cards Supporting Humanity

And more!

Been told you're too funny?
Contact: Sharon Miki, Humour Editor

M4 humour@theotherpress.ca

www theotherpress.ca

 

New Westminster station flash
mob proposal cancelled

» Man realizes ring too ‘precious’ to waste on girlfriend

Sharon Miki
4 Humour Editor
4 humour
@theotherpress.ca

Das already having paid
rental deposits on a smoke
machine and a T-shirt cannon,
a Coquitlam man left nearly a

 

dozen participants disappointed :

when he called off a planned
flash mob proposal on Friday
January 24, after becoming too

to give it up.

Douglas College arts student,
originally from Middle Earth,
placed multiple ads on Craigslist
to solicit participants for his
planned proposal to girlfriend
Cindy Lou, 29.

“I’m going to do this whole
thing where we're walking to
the Safeway at the station, you
know, and then all of asudden
everyone will start singing
“Marry You’ by Bruno Mars and
yadda, yadda, yadda—t’ll give
her the ring and she'll be stuck

with me,” explained Smith in the

Craigslist ads, which have now
been taken down.

However, when Smith
showed up with Lou at

Health authority branches out

: the SkyTrain station at the

: appointed time on Friday, he

: madea last-minute decision to
: terminate the proposal plans.

Onlookers say that Smith

: began shouting and convulsing
: ina feral manner, while

: clutching a plain gold ring to :
: his chest. “Leave now, and never :
: come back!” :
: “My precious...” said Smith, :
: when captured ona bystander’s :
: iPhone. “We wants it, we needs

attached to the engagement ring : it- Must have the precious!

Nearly a dozen planned

Gollum Smith, a 34-year-old participants in the flash mob,
: including Lou’s mother and

: sister, were left disenchanted
: and dumbfounded at Smith’s

: cancellation.

“Well, I'ma little

: disappointed for Cindy,” said

: Lou’s mother, Bernice, 65. “But
: if this is how Gollum’s goingto  :
: act, I guess it’s better we find out :
: now. Not very gentlemanly.” :

“Also... the ring isn’t even

: that nice” added Lou’s sister,
: Janice, with a lot of attitude. :
: “Yellow gold is a bit passé—and, :
like, where were the diamonds?” :
: boyfriend was going to propose
: to her, but then called it off

“T learned all the words to

: a Bruno Mars song for this. I’m
: not very happy,’ added Craigslist :
: participant Jake Rakellet.

Upon realizing that her

while screaming like a monster,

: Cindy Lou left the scene in a
: total huff.

into cookbook publishing

» Says new book will revolutionize cooking for the enemy

 

Smith hasn’t been heard

: from since the incident and

: has not answered requests for

: follow up interviews. His only
communication has been on

: social media, where he tweeted

How to

   
 

Sophie Isbister
Life & Style Editor
Mlifeandstyle
@theotherpress.ca

 

I: order to combat provincial
government cuts to health
care and raise more funds,
Vancouver Seaside Health
announced Thursday that they
will be selling a cookbook titled
How to Cook Food for People
You Don’t Really Like That
Much.

The cookbook, which
features recipes devoid of the

flavour-enhancing chemical
known as salt, will be available
on Amazon.com, in bookstores
everywhere, and of course at all
hospital gift shops. Some hotly
anticipated recipes from the
book include boiled vegetables,
rice, and cold tea (made by
boiling water and then allowing
it to sit until cold).

Mrs. Bradshaw in the hip
trauma unit raves about the
book: “I just don’t know how
they make the food taste so
awful!” she says, adding that
she looks forward to purchasing

her copy upon her release from
the hospital so that she can
cook a lumpy pudding for her
daughter-in-law.

Ronald Porcupine, of
Porcupine Publishing, believes
the book will sell well, citing
a recent trend in diet and
cookbooks designed to make
food taste absolutely inedible.
Porcupine tells us, “Our most
successful book in 2013 was all
about kale! Can you imagine
a worse-tasting vegetable? I
can’t.”

HEME LHL Sed fh EOLA,
Wh 1d Grd BS

Cook Food for
People You
Don’t Really
Like That Much
is available for
pre-sale and will
be on shelves
July 11.

 

By Cody Klyne

: on Saturday night: “So bright,

: so beautiful... ah, Precious.

: #mylove.” There is no indication
: as to whether he is referring to
Cindy, or to the plain gold ring.

HOW Top

Ok Fog
FOR PEOPLE
CNT
THAT MUCH