Po-Po Say Gonzo
Journalism a No=No

Brent Morley, OP Contributor

  
  

After another highly successful pub night at the Douglas Students’ Union build-
ing, some members of the Other Press retired with other partygoers to the
makeshift pressroom at the Royal Towers Hotel and Casino, only to be roused
and evicted by the New Westminster police.

At approximately 4:30am, a crack unit of the NWPD known as Red Squad—
possibly a tactical division of Vancouver PD’s “No Fun Squad”—entered the
room to announce that the party was over. Confused, the five remaining occu-
pants arose from the beds they were all snuggling in and collected their
belongings. Red Squad completely disregarded the civil rights of the occupants
of the suite as they began seizing
items that were vital to the Other
Press’ journalistic integrity—a
large bottle of Jackson Triggs
Cabernet Sauvignon, approxi-
mately six pairs of Nautica socks,
and one Pierre Cardin tuxedo
shirt. Arts and Entertainment
Editor, and vivacious Prom
Queen Kali Thurber’s corsage
was also tragically lost to the exas-
perated cops’ efforts to evict.

The decision to move in on
the suite came after a monstrous
pillow fight was observed from
the parking lot. The bed sheets
hanging from the balcony were
also deemed worthy of eviction,
despite the prudence shown in
protecting their clothes from the
wet paint outside. When asked
why they attended the suite at

 

= —————

‘OP News Editor Brandon Ferguson such an early hour, one of the offi-
makes a quick getaway

Bebober §=e0/e00N

Prom Queen caught in hotel scandal

cers present was heard to say, “Well, that’s when the French and Indians attack.”

The senior attending officer, a veteran of 16 years, watched with disbelieving
amusement as the “journalists” hurriedly collected their belongings. The eviction
took longer than was hoped, prompting one of the po-pos to command the
occupants to “hurry it up there, stupid.” Replied News Editor Brandon
Ferguson: “It’s not that I’m acting stupid. I am stupid. There’s a difference,
fucko.”

After a refund was generously
granted, the evicted journalists
stumbled down a few blocks to
pursue further story leads at pho-
tographer Brent Morley’s place.
You can expect next week’s Other
Press to have stories including:
“The Difficulty Of Riding Bikes
Drunk,” “Ow ow; Hot Wax Hurts
So Good,” “Samurai Jack is
Sweet,” and “Why'd the Prom
Queen just Run off at Dawn?”

That’s some sweet-ass journal-
ism there, boy.

   

Red Squad protects Royal Tow rs
from OP Staff

DGnEPPPeSS | Tl