Future letter to the editor: The future is great >I told you so Klara Woldenga Humour Editor reetings from the year 2118! We finally figured out the time machine. I didn’t come back and write this to give you the blueprints, although I will give you a hint: Pies. I came back and wrote this to tell you all to take a deep breath and know that all our silly fears we had about the future were false. In 2018 we were very concerned that the future would be filled with terror: Global warming was going to kill us, if Trump didn’t kill us all first, and we thought we would just experience one super bad Tinder date after another until we died alone. However, as I predicted in my famous 2019 article titled “The future will be fine, listen to me, god damn it,” I accurately guessed that everything would turn out okay. Sure, I wasn’t 100 per cent right about everything; after all, how could I have predicted the short lived super-lizard uprising of 2020 caused by the even shorter-lived 2019 Nuclear Lizard Pet Kit craze? It just goes to show that even experts like me aren't right all the time. But, as I did predict, things resolved themselves. I probably shouldn't tell you this, but, in his last year in office Trump’s administration will create a nuclear weapon so poorly constructed that the only thing it will manage to do is emit an electromagnetic wave powerful enough to solve our global warming crisis by pushing the Earth slightly further away from the sun. Trump will then be hailed as a genius and given a Nobel Prize, only to be killed the day before the ceremony by his Nuclear Lizard, which he refuses to dispose of despite his office’s constant warnings. The Tinder problem will also be solved, as we all will become so absorbed in our phones and news articles that no one will have time to date. Thank God Robo Mothers will also be invented to allow babies to be born without us having sex; with the 2024 invention New Internet we will be immersed 24/7, so who will have time for a healthy relationship? Only two per cent of the population according to a recent 2117 study and, honestly, everyone in the future thinks those people are freaks. We will even be able to stop doing things we didn’t know were undesirable, like feeling any feelings at all, or needing to express ourselves through creation. Illustration by Max Foss As we know in the future, robots are better at doing everything, even making more robots, so we don't really need to do anything. I don’t know about you, but that takes a load off of my mind, and allows me to consume entertainment and information 24/7. We dont even have to sleep anymore, thanks to the 2021 invention Awake erasing that particular need. So, take my word for it, the future will be kind to all of you. So relax, and don’t buy radioactive lizards. OPINION: White feminism is toxic to female synthetic organisms > Intersectional feminism needs to include female-identifying cyborgs Jacey Gibb Distribution Manager 017 was both an empowering Qiand upsetting year for gender equality and, yet, until intersectional feminism evolves to include the growing population of female- identifying cybernetic organisms, gender hierarchy will still exist. What do I mean by intersectional feminism? I’m referring to the overarching idea that feminism applies to women of all colours and walks of life, from cis women to trans women, from heterosexual to two-spirited to everyone in between. Unfortunately, intersectional feminism often leaves out any synthetic robot that was programmed to self-identify as a woman. For example, did you know that women cyborgs are still paid roughly 78 cents for every one dollar that a male cyborg earns? When the hit television show Westworld debuted back in October 2016, critics praised the show for hiring real cybernetic organisms to portray the robots known as “hosts.” Be that as it may, the decision feels like a publicity stunt, since The Guardian published their expose on how leading female cyborgs, Evan Rachel Wood and Thandie Newton, earn significantly less than their male cyborg co-stars. This isn’t an isolated problem either. Historically, female-identifying robots in Hollywood have been undervalued and underpaid. Back in 2008, Pixar faced a wave of criticism over WALL-E, which featured a trash compactor and probe in co-starring roles. Despite sharing a comparable amount of screen time, the female-identifying probe, Eve, later revealed in an interview with E! Online that she was paid roughly a third of her male-identifying co- star, WALL-E. Yet the problem stems far beyond financial inequalities and Hollywood hiring practices. In a staggering census conducted by the Institution for Cybernetic Equality (ICE), results showed that female-voiced computer systems were 55 per cent more likely to be overridden or taken offline than their male-voiced counterparts. The census also revealed that female cyborgs only made up one tenth of upper-level and management positions, while male cyborgs make up three tenths. So, what can you do to promote an intersectional feminism that includes women who are synthetic organisms? There are many simple, day-to-day practices you can adopt to ensure inclusivity: Never assume someone is a cyborg, or not a cyborg: This might be a no-brainer to some folks, but it’s a common micro-aggression. Asking questions like, “So, what are you?” or commenting that a cyborg is “totally passing” for a human are intersectional no-nos. Instead, allow female cyborgs to disclose—or choose to withhold—their cybernetic background on their own terms. Remember that they don’t owe you anything, including an explanation. Use organism-neutral terms: Sayings like “Hey, people!” or “Hello, fellow humans,” or “What’s up, my non-synthetic-home slices?” seem like harmless ways of greeting people, but exclude robotic members of society. Language can be a powerful agent of change, so instead of saying the above greetings, try using inclusionary or organism-neutral terms such as: “Hello things,” or “Sup, Photo via The Inquisitr living and non-living entities?” Practice being a better, more vocal ally: This is likely the most daunting practice, while also being the most important. If you observe a female robot being harassed on public transit, say something. If you see a female synthetic being chased by the police, check your biases and don’t assume it’s because their programming has gone haywire, creating a lethal killing machine to which the only solution is system termination. Better allyship doesn’t happen overnight, but that doesn’t mean you can’t start immediately.