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By Priscilla Bartleman

violence were reported to police across

Canada. This represents approximately
15% of all police-reported violent incidents.
This is an issue that is real and can happen
to anyone regardless of their race, religion,
age, gender and status. A classic example
would be that of Ike and Tina Turner.
Tina Turner is one of the fortunate strong
individuals who managed to leave the
unhealthy relationship back in the ‘80s and
become the successful, independent star she
is today.

A more recent example would be that
of Rhianna and Chris Brown. For those who
may not be aware, on February 8", 2009,
Rihanna and Chris Brown had a heated
argument that turned physical and charges
were laid on Chris for hitting Rhianna.

So why am I concerned about what
happens with their relationship? I am
concerned for a number of reasons. One
is that any relationship, whether you are
famous or not, should not be emotionally,
mentally, physically or spiritually harmful.
A relationship should be made of love,
trust, honour and respect. I am concerned
because although Rhianna and Chris do
have everyone watching what they do,

I: 2006, over 38,000 incidents of spousal

people see what is printed about their life
and today that sends a message as to what is
right, okay and normal, even if the famous
may not always live a life that is right, okay
or normal.

I understand they are not only famous,
they are human. It is easier said than done
to leave the one you love. J think we all
know how powerful words can be! I know
what it feels like to have someone tell you,
“You are good for nothing,” that “You will
never find anyone else who will love you,”
and even how “You need me.”

Some people may not understand why
over and over again you cry and go back,
cry and go back. Well, I cannot speak for all
people who have been through or maybe are
going through an abusive relationship but I
can tell you that when you hear something
enough you begin to believe it. And since
we have not walked in Rihanna’s shoes we
don’t know how much of this is relative
to what she has been through or is going
through.

TI think the response from other
celebrities has been very interesting. On
Ellen, Sean “Diddy” Combs talks about
how he offered his Miami house for them
to work things out, he said he is not going
to cast judgment he is going to be there as a
friend, but also said that he does not believe

it is right for anyone to hit anyone. Oprah
encourages the two to heal themselves and
warned Rhianna that “If a man hits you
once, he will hit you again. He will hit you
again =

In most relationships there will be an
argument every now and then. Sometimes
we say or do something we regret when we
are angry, but there are some real warning
signs to future possible domestic violence,
and it is not just physical abuse that hurts.
There are other ways a partner canbe hurtful
and that are really not okay!

So how do you know if what is
happening is not okay? Well if you are
questioning your relationship that way
maybe you do need to take some time for
reflection. Ask yourself: does he or she
embarrass or belittle you or put you down?
Say hurtful things to you? Dislike your
friends and family and discourage your
relationships with others? Make all the
decisions in the relationship? Chastise you
after social functions for talking with other
people? Act jealous of people you talk to?
Blame you for his or her mistakes? Try
to make you feel worthless or helpless?
Forbid or prevent you from working or
going to school? Keep money, credit cards,
and chequing accounts away from you?
Control access to your medicines or medical

 

devices? Threaten to have you deported?
Throw dishes or other objects? Abuse

your children or pet when mad at you?
Push, slap, kick, or otherwise assault you?
Demand sex, make you perform sexual acts
you are not comfortable with, or sexually
assault you? If you answered yes to any of
these questions I bet you know that it is not
okay and you need to think about what you
can do to make change, as scary as change
may be.

I may not be in the circle of celebrities
but I am paying attention because domestic
violence in any social circle should be
unacceptable. Everyone has the right to
feel safe, respected, loved and equal with
their partner. I agree with Oprah that once
someone hits you, he or she will most likely
hit you again no matter what their plea is.

I encourage people who are in Rhianna’s
situation to please know that there are
support services, there are places you will
be safe, and that you are worth something
and you need to take care of yourself for
your sake and for the sake of the ones you
love. They cannot make the change for you,
but when you do decide to make change I
bet they will be there to support you!

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