November 1, 1993

The Other Press

A Critique of TV Cuisine

source:The Peak, Simon Fraser
University

BURNABY (CUP) — Return-
ing to school heralds many
things, but most crucially, it
often means that previously
coddled individuals must now
attend to their own nutritional
requirements. Everyone has
their own favorite horror-story
to relate, but mine is the one

about a guy who ran out of

cash at the end of the term and
hit culinary bottom with a din-
ner of brown rice sauced with
grenadine.

Surely, life is too short to al-
low it to ever come to that.
Still, there are bound to be situ-
ations where you either have
no time, or are simply incapa-
ble of boiling water. It is with
those unfortunate souls in
mind that I now embark

ON A QUEST FOR THE ULTI-
MATE T.V. DINNER

#1. McCain Lite Delite Sea-
soned Chicken With Barbecue
Sauce.

PRICE: $3.88

PACKAGING: Very flashy. Pro-
duction values are exceedingly
high.The box is so packed with
glowing nutritional testimoni-
als that I was feeling better
about myself before I even left
the store. Comes complete
with a seven-day “nutritional
planner.” If only the rest of my
week was as well organized.
PLATE PRESENTATION: Even
looks like real food. An encour-
aging sign, and served on a
round plate to boot. Omits
those insipid little food com-

Py NEW WEST'S # 1

Tonight

  

D.C.
PUB NITE!!

) 2 FOR I

) sec All 7 LONG!

partments, necessary only for
types who still can’t color
within the lines. One glaring
omission, however: no dessert.
This fits solidly into the “life’s
too short” category; I don’t
care how bad it is for me —
some things in life are just too
important to miss.

PALATABILITY: For a meal ad-
vertised as “lite,” I thought the
sauce was going to put me into
diabetic shock. I imagine this
occurrence was planned, to

offset the criminal omission of

dessert.

#2. Savarain Turkey with Veg-
etables and Potatoes.

PRICE: Fifty bucks ($2.19 for
the product, $47.81, including
cab fare, to go out for a real
dinner). Hey, one of my text-
books is on reserve anyway, so
I don’t need to buy it. Besides,
the experience would have
been just too depressing oth-
erwise.

PACKAGING: Looks like it was
unearthed from an early 1950s
time capsule. This is a real pos-
sibility, given the relative fresh-
ness of the meal.

PLATE PRESENTATION: Looks
like it was prepared by June
Cleaver on a bad hair day.
PALATABILITY: I took one
whiff and decided to eat the
box instead. Unfortunately,
nutritional info. on this aspect
was not provided. Likely bet-
ter than the meal, in any event.
The restaurant, however, was
lovely.

#3. Swanson Hungry-Man
Salisbury Steak Dinner.

 

PRICE: $4.79
PACKAGING: How can you
criticize one of the most ven-
erated names in frozen-food
lore? You just don’t quibble
with in icon. This is a product
that’s bought and paid for be-
fore you realize what you've
gotten yourself into. Selecting
it is pure happiness —the re-
grets come later.

PLATE PRESENTATION: The
main feature is those two glo-
rious patties, presented in all
their beefy splendour, beckon-
ing you like two outstretched
arms to partake in all their
savory delights. One problem:
use of that goofy segmented
tray, but dessert is included, so
all is forgiven.

PALATABILITY: Just what is
“Salisbury steak,” anyway? I’m
sure I'd rather not know. Any-
way, I think it was “happy
hour” in the abattoir when
they put this meal together.
The dessert was great, though,
and just like the prize in the
Cracker Jacks box, that’s all I
was really in it for.

#4. Kraft Dinner Macaroni and
Cheese.

PRICE: $0.88 I mean hey, for
less then a buck, it’s simply got
to be the culinary bargain of
the century.

PACKAGING: Key value: it
can’t melt. This is a huge ad-
vantage, as my undefrosted
freezer can barely accommo-
date a six-pack of beer. One
must not lose sense of one’s
priorities, after all.

PLATE PRESENTATION: O.K.,

NITE CLUB

 

 

we nede

menn

Dig up your bell bottoms
ee 2 for 1 Specials

 

“e

NIGHT! |

 

"Tae ADMISSION} :

aad 'D.C. STUDENTS: |
PRESENT THIS COUPON 1}

  
  
 

it’s not destined for the bour-
geois trough, but count me in
for seconds.

PALATABILITY: Really, this has
to be the perfect food. The
added bonus is that the box
says it’s an excellent source of
protein, so it has to be good
for you. Besides, I hear that
protein makes you smarter,
which, given the present state
of my G.PA., wouldn’t be a bad

thing.

Inthe Heart of Downtown Vancouver *

Well, there it is, a veritable
treasure trove of nutritional
insight; yours to make use of
as you will. I will accept no
blame for my gaunt-cheeked
academic contemporaries seen
grovelling about the campus.
Just remember, eat hearty now
while you still can: the time
for dinners of brown rice and
grenadine comes after you've
left school and entered the job
market.

 
    
   

  
  
   

    
   
  
  
    
   
  
          
     
       
   
 
 
 
  
 
              
   
             
     
      
 
    

ode Wot Bh Sle 9 sir Nel 0 UI We Bb Ba

OMMODORE

$70 Granville Mall * 681-7838
bully Air Conditioned

Spicy ls ..*
Latin Beat, Musically blended by our D.J., with the eat and powerful

North American rhythms to create the unique dance sound of Spicy Beat

WEDNESDAY « November 3 - DOORS 9:30PM
ONE NIGHT ONLY! The Return of the

| ACHIN' BLUES BALLS BAND

Tease esUsee Neem OL BRC a Vel ie) i mea masa SULTS)
THURSDAY « NOVEMBER 4 « Doors: 8: 30pm

 

AND PRESENT

TOTAL RECALL

STARRING

NAZARETH o BLUE OYSTER CULT
URIAH MEER o WISHBONE ASH
FRIDAY « NOVEMBER 5 - DOORS 7 PM, MUSIC 8 PM

Ry SKAVOOVEE ?
oe eS moO eee tO ROle eee,
THE ULTIMATE SKA TRAIN 5
ie SPECIAL BEAT ¢ SELECTOR
SKATALITES ¢ THE TOASTERS
MONDAY ¢ NOVEMBER 8 - Doors: 8:00pm
GiTR & $8 Present Sony Recording Artists

WITH SPECIAL GUESTS PRONG
WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 10 DOORS 8:30 PM

eae regs Ls Ne ScniL an Tone
MOTKeNnIK Ree E Masters of Hip-Lop- Bop

THE SHUFFLE DEMONS

WEE specrAL GuEsis RUMPLESTEELSKIN
FRIDAY ¢ NOVEMBER 12 - Doors: 8:30pm

ities Lemonheads

WITH SPECIAL Guests HOLE ann WALT MINK
SATURDAY NOVEMBER 13. DOORS 8:30

 

  

   

5h,

  

  

 
 

   

   

 
  
  

 

iad PRESENTS COLUMBIA RECORDING ARTISTS

NITH SPECIAL GUESTS
UNCLE TUPELO &
JUNKHOUSE

 

   
   

SoulAsylurs

MONDAY *

     
      

ATTHEDOORANY  ! :

   
  
      
 
   
 
    

 

Featuring 4 of B.C.’s_ | NOVEMBER 15 - DOORS 8:30 PM

 

 

: oe ree cae iFRIDAY OR SATURDAY AND : alate Hia ARTISTS
a
Nov. 3 Atwaction BAY NO § OVER CHARGEN El, cic cae er va er

 

 

     

 

WEDNESDAY * NOVEMBER 17- DOORS 8:00 PM __

TICKETS: At all TicketMaster locations as
well as Eaton's and Infocentres in major
lower mainland malls.
et as ba 280- maaan

College Place Hotel 740 Carnarvon St. New West. : :
Just 2 Minutes From Douglas College