OPINIONS

    

Right Hook
JJ McCullough, OP Columnist

 

I was in Texas this summer, staying with a friend of mine
who lives there. I slept on his couch. In the mornings, before
he woke up, I used: to watch C-SPAN on his living room tele-
vision. For those who are unfamiliar, C-SPAN is an American
public access channel that broadcasts live coverage of the US
Congress when in session. The channel is not available in
Canada, which is really a pity. Even though it’s not our gov-
ernment, I seriously believe that watching the American legis-
lature in action is something all Canadians should try to do at
some point or another. Only then will you realize, by contrast,
just how comically inept and juvenile our own House of
Commons is.

The US Congress operates according to very rigid proto-
col. As the US Speaker is a largely partisan head-of-govern-
ment type figure, and the Senate has no speaker period, most
sessions of the American legislature are chaired by individual
members on a rotating basis. When a sitting member wants to
address the collective, he or she has to go to the front of the
chamber and stand before a little podium. Both senators and

' congressmen are often given quite lengthy periods of time to
make their points, sometimes as long as ten minutes. What is
most striking of all, however, is the complete silence in which
such speeches are greeted. Ted Kennedy can rant angrily until
his pink face turns red, and yet no Republican will offer so
much as a peep from their seats in the audience. Instead, they
patiently wait their turn at the podium, knowing they'll soon
have a chance to systematically debunk everything their oppo-
nent has just said.

When members of the executive branch come before the
House of Representatives or Senate to testify and answer
questions it is no- less solemn an affair. The cabinet minister

 

sits behind a desk with microphone, while a panel of elected
representatives sit at their podium above. The official, be it
the secretary of state, CIA director, or any multitude of lesser
officials, is essentially held captive for however long the politi-
cians decide. He or she must deal with an incessant barrage of
often harshly critical interrogations, questioning every aspect
of their recent job performance. To top it off, testimony given
before Congress in the American system is always sworn,
meaning one who lies before the people’s representatives is
committing an indictable offense.

Now, the US Congress is obviously not a utopia of
Socratic democracy. Politicians give ridiculously demagogic
speeches all the time, and pointlessly snippy and back-and-
forth debates can go on for hours with neither party ever con-
ceding any ground to the other. However, there is no denying
that the American Congress is fundamentally dignified institu-
tion, with members who take its operations and procedures
seriously.

Last week I watched the first session of the House of
Commons since the winter recess. It was so disgusting I had
to turn it off. On some level you really have to just stop and
question why the taxpayers of this country are paying over
300 grown adults to basically act like Ritalin-deprived kinder-
garteners. When the House is in session, especially a full ses-
sion, the screaming literally never ends. A chorus of hisses,
boos, insults, and all other manner of snide remarks provides
an ever-present background chorus to the main event, which
is of course just more screaming. Watching natural resource
minister Gary Lunn speak was like watching someone try to
shout directions to a space-shuttle during take-off.

“°’*Question Period” has devolved to the point where nei-

 

The Deranged Monkey-house
that is our National Parliament

ther of the words in its title provide anything resembling 4
accurate description of what the event actually entails.
“Questions” now usually entail outright slander. “’’Whe
will the prime minister admit what a pathetic failure his gq
ernment has become?” is typical fare if you’re on the op
tion bench, while meaningless policy soundbytes provide
catch-all “answers” for the government side. A questio
about budget spending will likely garner little more than a
response that “’the budget is good for Canadians.” If yd
believe this is what democratic accountability looks like
you may as well believe in the Great Pumpkin as well.

The parliament of Canada is a national disgrace. It no
longer functions as a legitimate house of debate or lawma
ing; it is simply an absurd sideshow of embarrassing imm
rity, shallow pettiness, demagogic partisanship, and smug
unaccountability. The sight of members referring to each
other as “’the honourable’”’ or marching in a grand proc¢
sion parade once a year only serves to highlight the contre
between what our politicians believe themselves to be and
what they actually are.

I remain convinced that meaningful political change
only come to this country once we do a dramatic overha
our entire decrepit parliamentary system, and all of the ti
some rituals, conventions, and excuses that go along with
Legislative government doesn’t have to be a loud, obnoxi¢q
mess; you can just look across the border for proof. We aif
long overdue for a better system of government in Canad
but in the meantime it would be nice if we could just hav¢
well-behaved politicians.

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