Battle-tested bayonets, bro—The
passion of the Sheen

 

By Charlie Black

‘ow many different ways can an
“™ article like this start? There could

be a critical jab at the media
importance of a celebrity-gone-crazy
compared to that of international crises .
and natural disasters (an ill-timed pun
about meltdowns, anyone?). Perhaps
it could start off with some ludicrous
quote to emphasize the wildness of the
story (“I don’t know, man, I was bangin’
seven-gram rocks and finishing them
‘cause that’s how I roll” comes to mind
as a standout, among other one-liners).
The fact of the matter is just like the man
himself, people are unsure of what to
make of Charlie Sheen’s recent publicity
blitz.

As has been well-covered
everywhere, from Good Morning America
to Sheen’s own basement talk show, the
Golden Globe-winning actor’s drug-
fuelléd escapades and recent firing from
the top-rated CBS sitcom Two and a Half
Men have made entertainment headlines.
Many argue that this is a descent into
mental illness and insist that Sheen
requires immediate help, whilst the more
passive crowd blames his batch-o’-crazy
on his known drug history and dismiss
his antics as those of a party-hardy -
celebrity who intends to fill out the “My
Generation” pledge before it’s too late
for him (for those who need it quoted, “I
hope I die before I get old”).

Let it be stated as it must: there
are bigger things to worry about in this
day and age. Uprisings in the Middle
East, earthquakes in Japan and threats
of nuclear meltdowns are flying about,
and yet the crisis on the lips of many is
the personal madness of a man who is -
running around shouting about how he
won Best Picture at twenty years old.
What we are witnessing here is a safe
crisis. Something we can watch from afar,
feel whatever varying level of sympathy
for, make jokes about and then move
on. It is inappropriate to make jokes
about Japan, as recently-fired AFLAC
spokesman and bad-taste connoisseur
Gilbert Gottfried has proven (“Japan is
really advanced. They don’t go to the
beach. The beach comes to them”), and
any Libyan Revolution jokes that have
emerged are also undoubtedly in poor
taste.

Charlie Sheen provides the public
with an easy target to take our personal
grief out on. We may quote him until
our faces turn blue (with WINNING)
and swing our machetes of levity on
rooftops, surrounded by “goddesses” if
readily available, because there’s no guilt
involved. After all, true suffering is going
on in Japan and Libya and other places
in the world that aren’t in the headlines,
right?

All levity aside, what must be
remembered is that while we laugh now,
no one knows where Charlie Sheen
will end up once his winning streak
ends. Perhaps broke and drug-addicted?
Abandoned by his loved ones whom he
has scorned in the name of tiger blood?
Dead? It’s a reality. that this man may be
breaking down slowly, and as long as we
laugh and supply him with attention, his

_ spiralling will continue. I fear that Charlie

Sheen will become an overnight Michael
Jackson if he were to die of an overdose
or suicide. Laughed at and scorned in life
then suddenly canonized once his heart
stops beating. Such a fickle culture may
be less-than kind to Sheen’s body of work
than to Jackson’s (Two and a Half Men
is no ‘Thriller’), but the man is at risk
of harming himself and possibly others.
Being the easiest target, his tragedy is the
easiest to overlook on the world stage.

It was once said that “one death is
a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.”
No matter the categorization, while our
prayers and coffers go to Japan, and while
we hold our tongues about worldwide
crises, perhaps we should watch where
our negative energy goes, before it goes
too far.

“Dying’s for fools,” says a foolish
man.

 

thirst for change

By Jacey Gibb

say free stuff is awesome! An item’s

coolness factor nearly doubles when
the reveal comes that it was acquired for
free, followed shortly by either a ‘how’
or a ‘from where’. The bestowing of
freé merchandise is also to thank for the
sudden spike in water bottle sightings on
campus, since they were distributed as
incentives for people to sign the petition
to ban bottled water at Douglas College.
But these free gifts are coming at a lesser
known cost.

If the battle against bottled water
sounds familiar, you may have read the
‘War of the Words’ a few issues back that
weighed some of the ups and downs of
banning them in post-secondary institutes
across Canada. I am in full support of
this action, though I argued in opposition
before, and I willingly signed the petition.
However, when I began to admire my.
sleek new re-usable water bottle, I noticed
the ‘1’ inside the triangle on the bottom. It
has sat in my locker, unused, ever since.

I’ve heard many myths as to what
this number is supposed to represent,

[= I speak for everyone when |

| like “it shows how many times you’re

supposed to use it before throwing it
away” or even complete dismissals of
it all together. The number is meant to
inform the user what kind of plastic the
bottle is made of and in this case, it’s

 

  

Free water bottles fail to quench my

Petition has right idea but wrong execution

 

PETE or polyethyleneterephthalate.
Sound it out, yeah? Bottles made out of
this plastic are meant to only be used
once, a8 opposed to the repeated daily use
that water bottles get. The reason for this
is chemicals have been shown to leech
into the water after extended periods of
time. Bottled water is almost always made
of this plastic.

‘It is probably safe to say that the
mass handout of water bottles last
Thursday has already saved a good
amount of containers from making their
merry little ways into landfills. Good for
the environment! But does this have to
come at a negative effect towards our
health?

If you are the owner of one of these
plastic blue water bottles, I would first
like to congratulate you for helping to
make Douglas College a bottled water-
free campus. I just wish they had chosen
to hand out a different kind of container.
A friend of mine helped with the petition
at Mount Royal University in Calgary
and they chose to hand out bottles made
of stainless steel, which don’t leech.

If you’re looking to join this bottle
revolution, I’d recommend going out and
buying either a stainless steel water bottle
or at least a plastic one with the numbers
two, four, or five on it. As for the plastic
bottle lurking in the depths of my locker,
I’m currently brainstorming various crafts
for which I can use it for.

B