Why excluding races when
choosing who to date Is racist

> Don’t limit your dating pool based on stereotypes

Carlos Bilan
Staff Writer

 

T° start, I would like to point
out that it is okay to have
preferences. You have a type—
that’s cool! You know which
personality you feel is compatible
with yours. You are attracted to
specific traits that you find to be
a turn-on. Not all preferences are
oppressive or intrinsically biased.
However, when you say that you
are not attracted to a certain
type of race because of perceived
negative traits, then that is racist.
One would argue that
racial preferences are the same
as sexuality. Some gay people
refuse to date people of the
opposite sex, so misinformed
people might use that as an
example to justify that it is
okay to have racial preferences.
Well, the argument is invalid,
as no one decides to refuse to
date a person of a certain race

at birth. Sexuality is a valid
biological concept, whereas racial
exclusion is socially constructed
and acquired either consciously
or subconsciously, whether

from your one bad experience
with a person of that race,

or the racist representations
perpetuated in media.

It is usually the case that a
person refuses to date a certain
race because they think that all
people of that race have certain
negative traits, which could be
related to appearance, attitude,
etc. It is prejudiced because you
are making absurd claims that
every person belonging to that
group possesses those negative
attributes, which are in fact
not racially exclusive. Most of
these attributes can be found in
different races, including the race
of a person qualified to date you.
In other words, you are saying
that it will be impossible to form
a romantic, emotional, or sexual

connection with such a person
due to superficial qualities.
The racism behind having
racial preferences can be
illustrated through this parallel
scenario. You have been given
a stack of folders, and each
folder contains a potential
soulmate and their personality.
Of course, attached in each file
is a photo of the person. Every
single person in the files have
positive attributes that you
find attractive, and they have
a personality that is a perfect
match to yours. However, lets
say you refuse to date Asians
because of some bigoted
generalization. Now, when you
see an Asian person, you throw
the file away and refuse to read
it. That Asian person could have
been a perfect match for you,
but you did not even take the
time to learn more about them
when they could have been the
best person you'll ever meet.

“But that example is flawed.
If life were like that, ’d actually
read every file and date every
race,” you might say. Actually,
you can indeed read all the files
by getting to know a person and
not immediately dismissing
them due to biased and
oppressive racial stereotypes.
One could argue that you
would not date someone
who you are not attracted to
physically. That may be true,
but to say that someone’s race
or skin colour is not attractive
to you does sound prejudiced.
Every person has a personality
too, and the fact you do not
consider getting to know the
person more and immediately
exclude them instead is plain
discrimination. You are using
race as a strong negating factor
against all the other good things
that a person has to offer.

lam not saying that you
have to feel obligated to date

every person from different
races for the sake of inclusivity.
I just want to put the point
across that racial preferences
are rooted in bigotries that
oppress people of colour.
Moreover, if you feel that you
are not attracted to a certain
race, then it will take time to
change that, and it is not easy.
However, if you now realise that
your actions may be racist, and
you want to unlearn it, then you
can start by recognizing that
someone’s skin colour has no
effect on the potential romantic
compatibility between you and
that person. Be open-minded
and acknowledge that racial
biases and prejudiced thinking
could be preventing you from
having a wonderful relationship.
Let’s face it; it’s already difficult
to find the perfect person,

so why allow stereotypes to
make it even harder for you by
limiting your dating pool?

It’s not your manhood at stake, it’s your personhood

> The myth of emasculation

Rebecca Peterson
Humour Editor

 

magine, for a moment,
that the person writing
this article is a man.

I have, as most people have,
had moments where I have been
belittled and demeaned. I’ve
had coworkers try to undermine
me with nicknames attributed
to my body parts, had men try
to assert their dominance over
me, have been objectified and
made to feel unsafe, small, and
weak. If I were a man, and I
described these experiences as
“emasculating,” | doubt anyone
would argue with me on that. A
man working with a boss who
calls him “boy,” making him feel
weak, is emasculated. A man
who is told by another man that
their only job is to stand still
and look pretty is emasculated.
A man who feels forced to
submit to their partner ina
relationship is emasculated.

Except, these are all
things that women experience
too. And we don’t have a
quantifiable word for it.

When you cut right down
to it, many men would say that
the concept of emasculation is
based in the idea of manhood,
and the discomfort that comes
with losing it. I've had men
tell me, straight up, that the
reason why emasculation
makes them uncomfortable

 

is because they don’t want
to be treated like a girl.

Well, newsflash: A lot
of girls don't like being
treated like that either.

I’m not talking about
the discomfort men feel
from challenging gender
roles, like dating a woman
who’s taller than they are, or
receiving flowers instead of
giving them. That’s rooted in
traditional gender bullshit,
and another matter entirely.
lam strictly speaking of

genuine instances where men
are treated badly, often in line
with the way that women are
treated on a near daily basis.
Is it threatening and
uncomfortable to receive
catcalls from male strangers
on the street? Yes, it is, for
both genders (I specifically
say “male” strangers because
there’s an undeniable power
imbalance between men and
women, and men honestly don’t
seem to get it unless put ina
hypothetical situation where

Illustration by Ed Appleby

they're threatened by other
men. It’s really unfortunate
because I feel like it feeds
into the whole “predatory
gay male” stereotype, so |
want to make it clear that
that’s not my intent, here).

It bothers me because
the concept of emasculation
shows an incredible lack of
self-awareness, and implies
that these emasculating actions
are perfectly acceptable ways
to treat women, but not men.
It’s another finicky part of our

language that upholds the idea
of men as people, and women
as not-people. When I’m being
pressured to give up a personal
sense of power to another party,
I don’t call it emasculation.

I consider it being denied a
right to my own personhood.

Because, subconsciously,
we still seem to believe that
people are men, it’s not a
reach to make the connection
between emasculation and the
undermining of personhood.
But we need to abandon the
notion that being treated “like a
girl” is a problem only men face.
There’s a world of difference
between your gender expression
being disrespected, and being
objectified and belittled by
others. The discomfort of
emasculation is not limited
to men’s experience, and it’s
likely that men can find a
sympathetic ear in women,
as it’s something we grow
up knowing as an intrinsic
part of our life experience.

The feeling is real. The
terminology is a societal
construct based on what we
find acceptable in regards to
how we treat men and women
(never mind the plethora of
genders in between). It’s time
we see it for what it really
is, and treat such incidences
with the same empathy and
justice required for all genders,
instead of just the one.