Shis issue:

(¥ Rambunctious puppy ruins next Christmas for everyone

(Y Irresponsible child lets bedbugs bite

(Y Pun, 2, 3

And more!

Been told you're too funny?

Contact: Sharon Miki, Humour Editor
4 humour@theotherpress.ca
www.theotherpress.ca

 

Totally Real Food Review:
Happy Lucky Dragon Smiling Restaurant

» Chinese food that you eat with your mouth

: eat food on. The chairs have

: four legs and some have rips

: in them. This gives you an

: exclusive look at the browning

: inners of the cushion. The

: wallpaper is different from my

: home, because I decided at

: the last minute not to decorate

: it with water-stained flower

: patterns. But I think it’s pretty

: cool seeing the deterioration of
: the wallpaper; it reminds me

: that even though life is short,

: you can live long enough to see
: wallpaper get ugly. I think that’s :
: beautiful. It’s like watching your :
: grandmother do stuff, and your'e :
: just like: “Oh grandma, just get:
: out of the way. I'll do it for you.”

Elliot Chan
Opinions Editor
M opinions
@theotherpress.ca

he 7-Eleven of Chinese

restaurants, Happy Lucky
Dragon Smiling Restaurant
never closes—not even for
New Year’s Day or Christmas—
making it a perfect last option
for desperado foodies.

Located in the same
complex as Money Mart,
Lust Factory Adult Store, and
Subway, Happy Lucky Dragon
Smiling Restaurant’s parking
lot is usually empty due to the
swiftness of its neighbours’
clientele. This means you can
stay as along as you want at
Happy Lucky Dragon Smiling
Restaurant without worrying
about your car being towed.
However, crime rate is up 12
per cent in the area, so be

the crimes are just hate crimes
and crimes of passion.

Inside Happy Lucky Dragon
Smiling Restaurant, you'll find
chairs to sit on and tables to

Once I was done admiring

: the décor, I chose to sit by the
: window, offering a perfect view
: of the parking lot, which with
: my imagination kind of looked
: like a tennis court, but instead
: of tennis players there was justa :

: : lunatic.
cautious—nevertheless, most of :

The service was nice. The

: server was also the cook, which
: I believe should be how every

: restaurant should work. Imagine :
: how nice it would be just to tell :

: the cook what you want to eat
: and then he or she would just
: run back into the kitchen, which thing as cold, and that cold is
: is pretty much right beside the

: table, and cook it for you. It’s

: like eating at your mom’s house,
: but without the resentment or

: guilt for not cooking the food

: yourself.

: ate it with my mouth. It tasted

 

: hot. After a while it tasted cold,
: but some say there is no such

: two of you should go for dinner
on your anniversary, you should
: be happy that you are still alive.
: really just an absence of heat, so : Happy Lucky Dragon Smiling

: I guess it just tasted normal after ; Restaurant lives up to its name
: awhile, which was okay. : and reminds us of what it’s like
: Overall, Happy Lucky : to bea happy, lucky, dragon

: Dragon Smiling Restaurant is : smiling at a restaurant. Few

: not the worst. Ifyou end up : other restaurants are that

: there after an argument with : honest. Maybe White Spot.

When the food arrived, I :
: your spouse about where the

 

New Year's resolutions you may have forgotten

» A new year means anew you

Mercedes Deutsche
Staff Writer

Wwe wanting to spend
more time with loved
ones, aiming to lose weight, or
spending less money over the

new year may be on top of your
list of resolutions, you may have

forgotten some important ones...

Balance your chequebook.
Part of being a responsible
adult requires balancing your
finances. Try balancing your
chequebook on your nose, on
your TV, or on your morning
coffee. Bonus points if you
balance it on the tip of a pencil.

Eat well. Eat well and you
will be joyous and fulfilled.
Dump stuff that you don’t want.
After all, no good story begins
with a salad. Who needs carrots
sticks when you could eat a
Costco-sized bag of chips all
by yourself? Why eat at some
organic place on Commercial

Drive when you could just
as easily stuff yourself with

: Denny’s?

Watch your gambling. If

: you are known to blow a lot of
: money at the casino, there is

: only one thing that will help.

: Find a luckier casino. Winners
: never quit!

Be more sentimental. Take

Finish a ChapStick. Be the

most accomplished of your
: peers. Have they ever finished a
: ChapStick?

Be creative. Being creative

: can open several opportunities.
: Your boss has heard “I’m sick”

: hundreds of times and they may
: not buy it. Try new excuses like

: “there’s a bear in my yard,” or “I

: was ina car accident. All of the

: passengers were killed and I am
: inacoma.”

: Actually put on pants. Okay,
: never mind. That’s what

: : Facebook is for.

: some time to look back at where :
: you came from. Remember

: your first high school crush

: and how they rejected you, and
: now they’re getting married?

: Or the time you went toa

: movie by yourself because all

: of your “friends” were “busy”?

: This resolution pairs well with

: a bucket of ice cream and

: Kleenex.

: defeat the Huns. In order to

: complete this resolution, you

: must be swift as a coursing

: river, with all the force of a great
: typhoon, with all the strength of
: araging fire, mysterious as the

: dark side of the moon.

: how to use the remote control
: with your foot, knit a Snuggie,
: or overthrow the government.

: friendly. Leave the car keys

: at home and opt into public

: transit. After all, the SkyTrain
: works every four out of five

: times.

Be more sociable. Yes.

Get down to business. To

Learn something new. Like

Be more environmentally