Cult Crafting

Local resident proves winter crafting not all its cut out to be

By Stephanie Trembath,
Chief Crafting Correspondent

sually, the woes of

winter include over-

blown budgets, slippery
sidewalks, and sore backs from
exams, with a do-it-yourself
remedy that many students abide
by. Why wait on tables and stir
spicy lattes when you can make
gifts from scratch, enabling more
leisure time spent with others
serving you?

Former student and local
resident, Debbie Stuart, had this
exact idea in mind when she
started crafting just over a year
ago; deciding to start a hobby
that was both peaceful and time
consuming, with the added bonus
of making money on the side. After
graduating from Douglas College
in 2009, Stuart began taking
quilting classes to consume her
time, which eventually led her to
crafting—specifically scrapbooking
and seasonal gift cards. Seemingly
the perfect idea, Stuart set off
to start her own small business,
complete with personalized
website and small studio, only to
watch her small plan backfire and
send her spiralling into debt.

“I spent over $1000 last
month,” said Stuart, “I can’t pay
my rent and I don’t know how I’m
going to afford groceries or gas
for my car. I am too embarrassed
to ask my family for more money.
This has happened too many times
before. Quilting was too boring,
but crafts are just so jazzy!”

Falling victim to the allure of
coloured paper, glitter glue, and
hot stamps, Stuart claims that her
obsession with gift cards and crafts
is a result of the online blogs and
websites where she finds new ideas
and techniques for impressing her
friends and improving her skills—
these websites even have links that
take you straight to where you can
purchase the new crafting tools.
There are always new art designs,
materials, and technologies to
choose from, and much like the
trendsetter drools over fashion
fads, crafters will make googly
eyes at the CuttleBug machine, the
nifty Cricut, or want to purchase
proper tools to perfect distressing
techniques and pressed designs for
gift cards.

Christmas, which is a seasoned
crafter’s biggest hard-on, is the
worst time of year to begin card
making because of the abundant
sales and crafting conventions.

 

Fen 8 fa Me
Bellevue, Washington, hosts
one of the largest scrapbooking
conventions in the United States
from November 11-13, which is
where Stuart spent the rest of her
squandered funds.

“Credit—I charged everything
to credit,” Stuart sighed as she
shook her head. “I can’t help it—I
want every design to look good!

Is it wrong of me to want the best
for my friends and family? Is it my
fault I was to create things to make
others happy?!”

Stuart's live-in boyfriend,
James Milson, claims he is
supportive of her habits, but not
when they exceed thousands of
dollars, which is exactly what has
happened over the last year.

“Debbie’s crafting—
shopping—spending money
on supplies, it has got to stop.
There is absolutely nothing in
our cupboards; I’m starving. And
there’s no money for groceries until
one of us gets paid. It’s insane.

She has taken over the house. First
she starts in her studio room, but
before you know it she’s moved
into the kitchen, the dining area,
even into our bed!”

Working close to 40 hours a
week with little time to spend on
her latest creation, chocolate bars
decked out in Santa suits, Stuart
successfully sold her Santa bars for
five dollars apiece at a local craft
fair last week, earning her almost
$200—which will hopefully pay for
more groceries. Stuart's advice to
seasonal crafters?

“Don’t spread yourself too
thin; pick one or two techniques to
try and perfect before moving on.
That’s my problem, I try too many
new things and end up buying a
bunch of materials and machines I
do not need.”

For students that choose to
embrace homemade gift making
this season, (and possibly earn
a few extra bucks to get some
rum in that eggnog), do your
research. Spend a bit of time
researching your purchases and
the designs or style you want to
create before buying the materials
and technology. It could be the
difference between distressing your
holiday gift cards, and distressing
yourself!

 

Humour.

Ode to Diet Coke

By Sharon Miki, Assistant Editor

weet as sugar and light as air,
SG» beloved, my precious, my heart:

No Name can’t hold a candle to you, baby. I swear
your body is a wonderland, a work of art—

silver like a fox, your curves

run for miles through my mind.
The minute you lick my lips, nerves
snap and crackle and pop! Kindly
forgive me this sensory overload.

Can it! You can read between the lines,

rest on your laurels, for the road
to your glory has been long and fine.

O, as butterflies flit through the dew of spring—
just for the taste of it! It’s a Diet Coke thing.

 

Coke declared a vegetable

By Dylan Hackett,
Chief Junk Food Correspondent

ollowing up on U.S.
Penne declaration

that pizza, as long as
it contains two tablespoons
or more of tomato paste, isa
vegetable, Health Canada has
declared all soda beverages a
vegetable so long as a serving
of the product outlined in the
Canada Food Guide contains at
least 25 grams of the common
sweetener, high-fructose corn
syrup.

“Canada Food Guide
recommends the intake of 7-8
servings of fruit and vegetables
for females and 8-10 for males.
High-fructose corn syrup is
made from the purest imported
genetically modified corn and
carbonated soda beverages
provide necessary quantities
of high-fructose corn syrup
to constitute a serving of
vegetables,” spoke an unnamed
representative from Health
Canada last week.

High-fructose corn syrup is
a staple of the North American
diet, and its inclusion into
the Canadian Food Guide’s
fruits and vegetables section
could be a boon for insulin
manufacturers, who are
increasing the supply hoping
that diabetes rates will rise after
Health Canada’s amendment to
the guide.

Coca-Cola Corporation,
known to have been lobbying
the federal government on the
issue for years, released a press
statement last week

 

“We feel Health Canada’s
ruling fits in perfectly with our
‘Open Happiness’ campaign
and hope Canadians are ready
to meet health recommendation
guidelines with The Coca-Cola
Company and its partners,”
said a Coca-Cola press release.

Insulin manufacturers are
expecting growth in an industry
which had sales totalling $35
billion in 2010.

“We're forecasting
the greatest rise in Type 2
diabetes since the advent
of Lucky Charms cereal. In
this case we don’t see rise in
demand for insulin to rise
in just for children but in all
demographics and age groups,”
claimed the Canadian Diabetes
Association.

Diabetes claims an
estimated three million lives
per year worldwide, a number
expected to increase in the
coming decades.

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