February 17, 1993 Other Editorials & Opinions myth fact myth fact fact myth fact | myth fact (Myths Mask the © Facts about Rape Moving through the myths and realities that support sex-role sterotyping, we can uncover two differences that do distinguish } men from women: Women carry and give birth to children and men, on the average, are a little heavier and taller than women. Around these facts have grown whole cultures in which men have varying degrees of power, both collectively and individually, economically, politically and physically. In contrast, women are relatively powerless. The rape situation is an enactment of this unequal power relationship. Rei that reflect the attitudes and values held and passed on by the majority of people. myth. and unprepared for an assault. They also justify and condone the offender’s actions. As for society, the collective judge, it passes sentence based on this \ distorted view of reality. workshops for women Career Planning in the Women’s Center Workshops for Women at Thomas Haney Center ing all this are the myths surrounding rape, Rapeisasexcrimecommitted by men withuncontrollable sex drives. Rapeisacrimeof aggression committed bymen who want to dominate, degrade and compel physical intimacy on unwilling women. Most rapes are not spontaneous but planned ahead of time. Rapists are usually mentally sick, perverted and/or sexually unfulfilled men. Rapists are no different than the average man, phyically sexually or psychologically. Mosthavea greater tendency to express violence and rage more openly. Many are married and/or have ‘normal’ sexual relationships. Rape happens outside in dark, isolated places. The majority of rapes happen in either the victim’s or rapist’s home, with the next most common location being the rapist’s car. Rapist and victim are strangers to each other. In over half of the known cases the rapist is known to the victim in varying degrees of familiarity - from a trusting initial meeting to a close family friend or relative. A woman cannot be raped by her husband. Women AREraped by their husbands, butonlyinJanuary, 1983 was this legally recognized. “Nice girls” don’t get raped. All females, from children to old women, are potential rape victims.Following all the ‘correct’ standards for a virtuous woman does not necessarily provide protection from rape. The most common characterristic among rape victimsis vulnerablility. Reasons for vulnerability include the inability to defend oneself; physical limitations such as confining clothes, handicapes, fears; or environmental circumstances such as getting off work at 2 a.m. Women enjoy being raped. The idea that women could possibly enjoy forced sexual intercourse a is a male fantasy which confuses rape with sex, instead of violence. The idea that rape is comparable to sex between consenting people is as preposterous as suggesting that food is enjoyed whether rammed down one’s throat or eaten normally at dinner. Women ask for it. Even using a mere gesture or way of dressing as the scale to measure provocation on the part of the raped woman, as the Federal Commision on Crimes of Violence report, only 4% of reported rapes involved any precipitative behaviour on the part of the woman. Our society entices and rewards women to appear sexually attractive but those unlucky enough to be raped are condemned as ‘deserving it’. These myths make a woman feel responsible a Monday, March8 2-4 pm Legal Options that Work for You Saturday, Feb. 20 10am to 3pm Community Services for You Saturday, Feb. 27 10am to 3pm the Other Press Healing the Pain Some time ago, I experienced something that would foreverchange my life. Something that I considered very intimate and special was changed into a hurtful experience. I was raped. It was somebody that I knew and trusted. Since my experience, every relationship that I have had has been affected in some way. It was a long timebefore] could trust people in the same way I did before I was raped. To this day, I still have problems trusting people. It took me sometime to actually realizethat] had beenraped. Ithought that it could never happen to me, but it had. My first reaction was one of completeshock. I went to my family doctor. She helped me through a humiliating procedure to ensure I was not pregnant. After that I was in contact with the police. They asked me questions such as: did I have torn clothing, blood stained clothes and physical markings? Toanswer those questions was difficult. This led to whether or not I would press charges. In the end I didn’t because everything would become a matter of his word against mine. This was something that I could not deal withincourt. Because a police investigation was involved, the person I had trusted was scared shitless. I hope that he did actually learn his lesson. Unfortunately, the effects still remain with me. It is hard for me to describe, butallIcansay is thatit was a state of emotional confusion. I did not know myself at all, my identity was lost. I felt violated and hurt. I sometimes feltit wasmy faultbecause I had allowed myself to get into a situation where I had been hurt. I dug myself into a hole where nobody could hurt me. Idid not trust ey ButI realized life could not be lived that way. We all at some pointintime have totrustsomebody, and itiscrucial thatboth parties have respect for one another in order for them to trust each other. There is still much more that I have to deal with. One aspect is whether or not I am HIV-positive. I have gone for tests and so far they have been negative, but it may take up totwoyearsbeforea person could havea positive HIV test result. It has been a year-and-a-half. Idonotknow whether the words I write truly reflect my feelings or what] am trying tosay comesacross. Ido know that there are many others who have experienced and/or will experience rape. It is not any easy thing to deal with. Even as] write, the memories of the past haunt me. I wish I could forget them but I cannot. The only thing I can try to do is to turn those memories into something of value, which is very difficult. I hope that you, the reader, and you who raped me, will remember that sex can be both a beautiful experience and the worst experience someone can have. Name Withheld women: If youareinacrisis or would like more information call Vacouver Rape Relief and Women’s Shelter at 872-8212. men: If you wanttohelp stop violence against women contact the House Funding Committee at Vancouver Rape Relief and Women’s Shelter at 872-8212 OR if you think you may be abusing your partner or want to find out, contact the Share Counselling Center at 931-3110. Available: a career that’s ‘rewarding - fulfilling - beneficial - professional -in demand Learn more about chiropractic medicine -drug-free health care as new as tomorrow. Day/Date: Mon., Mar. 1 Place: Main Level Concourse, By The Cafeteria Time: 11-1 p.m. If you can’t attend, and want to know more about chiropractic as a career, contact 1-800-533-9210. LOGAN COLLEGE # OF @ CHIROPRACTIC ee Your future is Logan! sexual and personal harassment advisors If you think you are being harassed consult with one of the Harassment Advisors listed below. All Inquiries are strictly confidential. douglas college Lorna McCallum 527 - 5284 Steve Norris 527 - 5143 Tennant 527 - 5137 Elizabeth Wilson 527 - 5148 Donna McGee 527 - 5537 or 467 - 6811 (Maple Ridge) Gary