humour / 22 theotherpress.ca Surprising leaked Oscar results sweep with underground winners » Your peers got them all, somehow Cazzy Lewchuk Staff Writer he winners of the 2015 Academy Awards have been leaked—and in a very surprising twist of events, most of them were won by last-minute local nominees. In what many question to bea selective Academy committee, the performances and feats awarded an Oscar range mostly in college-aged individuals in the Greater Vancouver area. While many question the legitimacy of the winners— most of whom were not even during their performances—the leaks have been published in a well-respected media source. The Other Press is well-known for its serious, totally-not-a-joke quality journalism absolutely not written by hack creative writing majors, particularly in the last few pages. Best Actor: won by Trevor Smith, 22, for his explanation : her up on Valentine’s Day. : Complete with tears that were : almost real and a voice with a : slight hint of remorse, Trevor : gave a moving performance as : he told his obviously fake story : to his girlfriend. Particularly : wowing was his story of how his : phone and car battery had both : died, as well as his stunning : silence when asked where the : used condoms in the back of his : : pickup truck had come from. Best Actress: awarded : to Lily Jones, 18, for her : explanation on why she : missed the midterm. Her story : included a sick kitten and dying : aunt, combined with a sudden : measles infection. This was in : stark contrast to her reality of participating in an actual movie : sleeping until noonanda long : line-up at Starbucks. Best Film: awarded to : various students of English 1100 : for their five-minute adaptation : of Gilgamesh, filmed with an : iPhone and hastily edited in : class during the other group : presentations. The Academy : was unanimous in their : agreement that “somehow this : amateur picture resonates far to his girlfriend of why he stood : : better than Birdman, Whiplash, : Foxcatcher, or any of those : other ‘professional’ productions : ever will.” Best Actress InA : Supporting Role: Zoe : Anderson, 20, gave a stunning : performance in her relationship : reassurance to her best friend. : “Trevor was probably not : cheating on you and totally just forgot about Valentine’s Day!” : isa quote to be remembered for : years to come. It becomes even : more poignant if the audience : is aware that Zoe spent all of : Valentine’s Day extremely close : to Trevor in the back of his : pickup truck. Best Adaptation: Already : praised by peer reviewers : and professors alike, Jackie : Sommers’ final essay—awarded : 100 per cent and used as an : example for future classes—was : agreed to bea quality piece of : work by all other evaluators. : Considering the entire paper : was plagiarized from Wikipedia : with minor edits so it didn’t : look weird, it’s no surprise this : student is on her way to a long : and fulfilling journalism career. Photo Illustration by Joel McCarthy PRESENTS NWO ONE Myst Evea Know. fan tbe Pun 83@ pun ater By Sarah Walker